This is the first time Ive even been on xanga all summer and its practicly over. I relized just how much of my teenage years are recorded here on this web log. Just how much of myself ive recorded over time. Its funny to see how things change...how I change... Nobody really does xanga anymore. I remember when it used to be the thing to have. Now everbody has facebook, then again so do I but still I kind of miss how personal xanga is. Facebook is just a bunch of fluff and very little stuff. I dont think it really helps you get to know people any better than you already do. all it does is throw a bunch of info at you in a flashy manner about whatever person your looking at. It really dosent offer any insight to what that person is really like. Xanga you got to see how people thought, felt, and lived via what they wrote on their pages. much more personal in my book. Recently Ive had to make some of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. In the end I feel just as confused and scared as I was in the beging. Of my two paths I have picked the immedatly hard one. Im not even sure I will be able to live the kind of life I enjoyed before because of it. Even though the path will be hard I cant help but feel like its the right thing to do (even if my mother thinks otherwise). Things have become more uncertian than ever for me now but I will have to deal with that one step at a time. Its a scary thing to look at your own horizon and not be able to see what lay before you except hardship. But it is more important to me to do what I feel is right than what I feel is easy, so I will have to face that horizon the only way I know how...head on. I cant run from my furture and I cant forget my past. May God guide me on this new journey into the next part of my life. I admire faith. True, pure, unyeilding faith. My faith is not what most would call admriable. It has never failed me but it is not what I call strong. Ive seen strong. Dont get me wrong, my faith exsist and it really has never failed. Maybe I just have a diffrent relationship with God than most or maybe the grass just seems greener on the other side, but I still cant help but feel a kind of void. God has never forsaken me or I Him but the relationship could use some improvement. I admire faith. True, pure, unyeilding faith. I admire those who have the kind of relationship with God that admire so much but I lack. Im sure He understands though. | 
